But I'm Not Attracted!

On a number of occasions, I have had shadchanim (matchmakers) try to pressure me into going out (again) with a girl that I was not attracted to. “Try it. You never know what will happen,” they opine. “Attraction can develop if you give it a chance,” they claim. Well, I have to respectfully disagree.

As far as I am concerned there are only three types of girls: girls I am attracted to, girls I am definitely not attracted to, and girls that have potential. The last group includes girls who have no features, traits or flaws that particularly repulse me but at the same time I don't quite feel attracted to. In this case, I am more than willing to go out with her and give her a chance. Sometimes I give her five. I recognize that whether or not there is “love at first sight” isn't a realistic way of assessing someone. I try to be fair and give everyone a reasonable chance before I say no.

What I don't understand is when shadchanim insist that I go out again, even when I have made it quite clear how unattracted I am. Giving her one more chance will not change the fact that she weighs 500 pounds, has a nose like Pinocchio and laughs like a hyena. No amount of dating will change that. Nor will it change my preferences. This is not shallowness, it is being realistic. No one is being done a favor by agreeing to a second date. There is no sense in leading her on when I know that there is about as much chance of an aardvark winning a beauty contest as there is of me marrying her.

Sometimes I wish shadchanim would treat me like an adult making adult decisions instead of a child who doesn't know what he wants.