Two's a Crowd

I spent a great deal of my life alone. I don’t mean that I didn’t have friends just that I’ve never been afraid to be alone with myself. I’ve seen people that need to surround themselves with others in order to be happy. That was never me. I was always content to sit and ponder, to take in my surroundings and consider them. I enjoyed being alone.

As I got older, I realized there were benefits to spending time with others too. It’s not that I needed the company but it was pleasant in a way that solitude could never be. Two could do things that one could not. They could share experiences and create memories together. Afterwards they could reminisce.

As the years progressed, I turned into a social animal. The pleasure I received from spending time with others trumped that of going solo. I spent more and more of my time with others and less and less of it alone. And while I enjoyed it, it came with a tradeoff.

A couple of weeks ago I made a trip to Manhattan with a purpose in mind. I have always wanted to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. This time, I decided, I was going to see it. Being the social creature that I am, I invited friends I hadn’t seen in some time. While we discussed the logistics, one of my friends said that the cost of a show was too much money to spend on one night out. Another friend responded with his preference and the next thing I knew we weren’t seeing a Broadway musical anymore. I had compromised. I opted to forgo seeing the show I wanted in order to spend time with my friends. And I had fun. I also left NYC without seeing Phantom of the Opera.

This creates a dilemma for me. Should I hang out with others or keep to myself? On the one hand, I really enjoy other people’s company. On the other, I frequently end up doing something different than what I wanted to do. Arranging the entire event seems to be the only way to control it. That and doing it alone.

Nowadays, I still attend social events but I spend a lot of time by myself too. Partly because I have realized that this is the only way I will ever do the things I want to do. I guess I’m going to have to get over it since I hope to get married one day. I’m just enjoying the freedom while it lasts. It is liberating to do what you want when you want. At the same time though, I want to find a better way, a way in which I can be social and still be satisfied with the events I participate in.