Is there anybody out there?

It's the candles that make me feel loneliest. Lighting them myself, without anyone around. Other holidays are different. Of course, there's the Pesach seder and Purim seuda, lively meals with family and friends. Much of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are spent in shul so naturally, there are people around. But Channuka is different. You can light the menorah on your window sill alone in your house. No one else needs to be there. And while the purpose of the mitzvah is to bring light to others, to share it with them, there is no connection made, no communication. Maybe a passerby stops in the winter's cold to gaze at the light in the window. Maybe he pauses to count the candles. But inevitably he will rush away. There is no us on Channuka. Only you and them. You inside and everyone else outside.

You know when I felt it most? It was when I said the brachos. I sang them loud and clear. Baruch atah hashem... She'oso nissim lavoseinu bayamim ha'heim bazman hazeh. When I finished, the words just hung there, the missing amen noticeable in the still air. It is at that point when I thought...

I'm all alone.