In Her Shoes
While walking on shabbos, I passed two girls. The fellow I was with stopped and wished one of them mazel tov. When instead of responding she looked at him strangely, he realized something was amiss and asked,
“Didn’t you just have a baby?”
“No.” She replied.
“Really?”
“About sixteen months ago.”
“Well then why did I think you just had a child?” He inquired.
“Maybe ‘cuz I am always fat,” she answered.
I forgot where I heard it but I remember a Rav talking about feeling the words one says rather than saying them by rote. When you say “Have a Nice Day” to someone, really mean that you hope they have a nice day. I have tried instilling intentions in my words and I think it is a good exercise in caring. Wishing a bus driver or cashier well and really meaning it is a big step in the direction of caring for others. I have spent much of my life in a narcissistic, self-absorbed bubble. Other people only mattered to me as much as they could help further my interests. It’s horrible, I know. But somehow I became cognizant of this and embarked on the long road of learning to care.
When the girl said, “Maybe ‘cuz I am always fat”, it did something to me. This girl was in pain. People don’t say things like that in front of total strangers unless their self esteem has really tanked. (I found out later that she used to be quite attractive before she got pregnant and gained weight.) And it bothered me. I’ve felt pain like that before and it hurts. I wanted to do something. So I prayed. Right there on the spot. I prayed that this girl should lose weight and that she should gain back her self esteem. I prayed that she should be happy. It was a weird experience for me. I have never done that for a total stranger before. Caring for people that one doesn’t know is what “really special” people do. Not regular old “Joes” like me. But why shouldn’t I care? She’s a person and she’s hurting. That’s enough for me. Maybe this is the next step. Maybe this is the leap, the jumpstart I need to get me from self/family/friend centered to human centered. Or from a fleeting good morning to genuine caring. Who knows?
“Didn’t you just have a baby?”
“No.” She replied.
“Really?”
“About sixteen months ago.”
“Well then why did I think you just had a child?” He inquired.
“Maybe ‘cuz I am always fat,” she answered.
I forgot where I heard it but I remember a Rav talking about feeling the words one says rather than saying them by rote. When you say “Have a Nice Day” to someone, really mean that you hope they have a nice day. I have tried instilling intentions in my words and I think it is a good exercise in caring. Wishing a bus driver or cashier well and really meaning it is a big step in the direction of caring for others. I have spent much of my life in a narcissistic, self-absorbed bubble. Other people only mattered to me as much as they could help further my interests. It’s horrible, I know. But somehow I became cognizant of this and embarked on the long road of learning to care.
When the girl said, “Maybe ‘cuz I am always fat”, it did something to me. This girl was in pain. People don’t say things like that in front of total strangers unless their self esteem has really tanked. (I found out later that she used to be quite attractive before she got pregnant and gained weight.) And it bothered me. I’ve felt pain like that before and it hurts. I wanted to do something. So I prayed. Right there on the spot. I prayed that this girl should lose weight and that she should gain back her self esteem. I prayed that she should be happy. It was a weird experience for me. I have never done that for a total stranger before. Caring for people that one doesn’t know is what “really special” people do. Not regular old “Joes” like me. But why shouldn’t I care? She’s a person and she’s hurting. That’s enough for me. Maybe this is the next step. Maybe this is the leap, the jumpstart I need to get me from self/family/friend centered to human centered. Or from a fleeting good morning to genuine caring. Who knows?
posted by That Frum Guy at 2:01 AM
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